Author’s note: Alright, so I know that I have done a very bad thing by starting a new fic when I never finished my last one. For those of you that read my first fic, I apologize for stopping to write. Please, please don’t kill me! I had school to take care of as I prepare to enter into the crazy world of college and I also met my beautiful girlfriend that has completely changed my life for the better, so this story is dedicated to the glorious Alejandra.
As for this chapter, it may not be very exciting, but it’s necessary for the rest of the story, so I hope you continue to hold on and enjoy the rest! As always, reviews are appreciated to help me know what I am doing right or wrong. Enjoy guys!
Callie peered down at the object in her shaking hands as a wave of emotion slapped her hard in the face. Happiness…confusion…fear…anxiety…happine
I’m having a baby. I’m going to be a mother. Oh God, I’m going to be a mother!
She steadied her tanned, shaking hand and looked at the clock on the wall through tear-filled eyes. 4:17. She had until 5 o’clock to prepare herself for her girlfriend to come home. Tonight had to be special, they were having a baby and that wasn’t news to share lightly. Dropping the plastic stick into the trash can, she exited the bathroom and made her way to the kitchen to start on her famous chicken picatta. While she cooked her mind raced, unable to control all of the thoughts and emotions swirling inside her hyperactive mind. She had wanted this forever, always dreaming of raising a child of her own. Now she was about to make her dream come true, granted she was missing the male part of the equation, a fact which her parents had yet to accept. But her child would have two loving, excited parents, two mothers that would give their child the unconditional love that was reserved only for one’s children.
A soft smile graced the pink lips of the Latina as she thought about a beautiful baby boy or girl wrapping their arms around her neck and her kissing their little nose, the child’s smile, so like her own, making her heart melt. In nine months, nine long and surely anxiety-filled months, she would hold a tiny baby in her arms, a part of herself, and an integral part of a future that she hoped would soon become a reality with her girlfriend of 2 years.
The sound of a door closing brought her out of her futuristic thoughts and back to reality just as a pair of thin arms wrapped around her waist tentatively and she smiled, turning in her lover’s arms to look into a pair of ice-blue eyes.
“Chicken picatta, huh? What did I do to deserve this?”
Callie heard something in the blonde’s deep voice, something out of place and almost hesitant, but chose to ignore it as the reason for the special dinner made it to the forefront of her mind yet again, setting her heart and mind into another dizzying frenzy of emotion.
“Oh, nothing. Can’t a woman just make a nice dinner for her girlfriend?”
Callie kissed her lover’s thin lips tenderly, but was surprised and slightly taken aback when she felt no attempt from the blonde to return the kiss. Once again she felt that something was different, something was definitely missing. There was no witty remark from her girlfriend, no feeling of love in the kiss, no warmth radiating from the woman standing in front of her.
“Well...” the blonde forced a smile and walked away to take a seat at the table as Callie brought the plates to the table and sat down across from the blonde, still confused. “It smells lovely and I’m sure it tastes just as great.”
Callie always prided herself on her ability to make kick-ass meals, but tonight she started to feel nothing other than dread as she looked down at the food.
Was it the news she was about to share? No, it couldn’t be, she was beyond thrilled for the new edition on the way. Then what was it that was bothering her?
She looked up into the ice-blue eyes watching her curiously as a small smile faded from her lips and was replaced by a hard set mouth that meant business.
That’s what it is…why does she look like that? What’s wrong with her? Maybe she will cheer up once she hears about the baby…
Callie shrugged off the nagging feeling as the two women started to eat and engage in aimless chatter about everything and nothing and soon she started to nervously pick at what remained of the delicious chicken. Excitement and anxiety threatened to reveal her news in the most ungraceful way and she could not let her moment be ruined. This was a special moment, a life changing moment and she wanted to do it right. After taking a shaky breath, she started to speak and was taken off guard as the blonde started to speak at the same time.
“I wanted to tell you…”
“There is something that I need to say…”
Both women smiled and laughed nervously at each other and Callie motioned for her partner to speak first, deciding to prepare herself a little more for the words that she was about to say. But when she looked into her partner’s eyes, she saw something that scared her…what was it? Fear, sadness, or worse yet, nothing?
This was definitely not how she wanted this night to go. The two women had been arguing almost constantly for the past two months and Callie could never seem to understand what caused the sudden change in her loving, understanding girlfriend. Things between them had been great until her girlfriend came back from a medical conference in Philadelphia. The other woman had become…colder and slightly less lively, unreadable, and sad almost. Callie just wanted a break from the arguing and thought that tonight she would get it. If this baby didn’t change things then nothing would, this should be the happiest day of their lives.
A thin, pale hand covered Callie’s suddenly and Callie jumped slightly at the contact, brought out of her thoughts.
“I’m sorry.” The words were spoken so softly that Callie thought that maybe she had only imagined them coming from her girlfriend’s lips.
“Um…for what?” Callie tried to meet her lover’s eyes, but the contact was lacking as the older woman’s eyes stayed glued to their touching hands.
“For the arguing, for the way I have acted lately. It isn’t fair to you and I apologize.”
Callie sat still, surprised that an apology was actually being made since she never, ever received an apology for the other woman’s actions. She nodded slightly, willing her to go on with what she was saying. After an awkward silence that seemed to stretch on for a lifetime, cold, blue eyes finally melt with warm, chocolate ones and Callie’s face fell as the emotion in the woman’s eyes became painfully clear. Guilt. It consumed the blonde’s eyes then quickly changed to something else…apathy?
The raven-haired woman opened her mouth to speak, starting to become worried by the looks she was being given, but was silenced as the other woman started to speak again.
“Callie, I-” a deep breath punctuated the start of her speech. “When I went to Philadelphia, I ran into Jennifer and-”
Callie felt her ears start to ring as realization dawned on her. Her girlfriend’s ex, Jennifer…she should have known. She should have seen it coming. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of her stomach as she braced herself for what was coming next.
“Jack was with her. He was so cute, so smart.” A bitter smile crossed the blonde’s lips as she continued. “He was so frail.”
Callie looked into the woman’s eyes with surprise, waiting for an explanation. Jack was her girlfriend and ex’s son, two years old now if she remembered correctly. They never spoke of Jack as it hurt her girlfriend to think about why she had to leave them. She knew she missed Jack, but her girlfriend wanted another child, their child. And little did she know, Callie was carrying that child as she spoke.
“Callie…Jack is sick.” Blue eyes again met with brown and sadness shone full force in her eyes. “He has leukemia.” The blonde’s eyes started to fill with tears. “He isn’t expected to live too much longer and I-”
Reaching out to touch a fallen tear on her lover’s face, Callie felt her heart clenching with indecisiveness. What is she trying to tell me? What does this mean for our child?
“I need to be with him Callie. I abandoned him once and I can’t let him die without his mother. He needs me and I need him to know that I love him and I’m there for him.”
Callie nodded slowly, absorbing the words that were fresh on her ears. Jack did need her, but why now? Why when their child was now growing inside her? She looked to the sky as if questioning a higher power about this awful stroke of bad luck. She felt sick at the thought of her child’s other mother having to focus her attention on her other son, rather than their child. Selfish? Yes. But she wanted nothing more than for this child, their child, to be a blessing to them. And now it all is happening at the worst moment.
“Why didn’t you tell me before now? You went to that conference two months ago!” Callie felt her voice starting to rise just slightly, irritated that she was just now finding this out. “Your son is deathly ill and you kept it from me?”
The blonde looked down in guilt and blushed a light shade of red. “We were going to focus on having our own child. I didn’t want this to stand in the way. I wanted us to be happy.”
“Happy? Are you kidding me? Ever since you came back, I knew something was wrong with you. We have fought every single day, over things that aren’t worth fighting over! Don’t you think if you had just told me the truth, maybe this wouldn’t have happened? Maybe we’d be happy now and maybe you could have been there for Jack before now.”
Callie felt her anger start to dissolve as more tears slipped down her partner’s cheek and the blonde spoke softly.
“I need to leave to be with him.”
Callie nodded and took her lover’s hand. “We can both go, I will get time off of work and we can visit for as long as you need. I know how much Jack means to you.”
Sad eyes met Callie’s and the woman shook her head.
“No, Callie. I need to go alone. He’s my son, not yours.”
Callie felt a sting at the words her partner spoke, but shook her head, understanding the truth.
“When will you come back?”
Her lover sighed and met Callie’s eyes.
“I’m not…I’m not coming back.”
Suddenly the world stopped, Callie immediately felt her heart start to race in a panic. She wasn’t coming back? What? Why?
Seeing the pain she had just caused her lover, the blonde released Callie’s hand and fought to say the words she needed to say.
“Jack needs me, but Callie,” the blonde bit her lip “I love you…but I am still in love with Jennifer. I never stopped loving her. They need me and I need them, Cal. I’m sorry.” The confession sounded strange on her own lips, finally being verbally voiced, but she knew without a doubt that it was true. No matter how hard she tried to fight it, no matter how much she knew she was hurting Callie…she was still in love with her ex and her son. She needed to go back to them, especially now when they needed her the most.
Callie stepped away from her girlfriend, or, now ex-girlfriend, with shock written all over her face.
This could not be happening, no, not now, not when their baby was finally becoming a reality. The baby…oh God…what about the baby?
Her words came out slowly and hurt was plain in her soft voice. “What about us? We need you too.”
The blonde looked confused for a moment as Callie spoke and rested a hand on her stomach. Suddenly realization hit her and she was torn.
“You…you’re pregnant? With our child?” She watched as Callie nodded, tears staining her caramel cheeks.
A long silence filled the room until finally the blonde spoke again, holding her head a little less high than she had moments before and met her now ex-girlfriend’s eyes, the woman carrying their child. A war was being fought in her head and she had a huge decision to make…stay with Callie and their newly conceived child…or go be with the child and mother that so desperately needed her, that she still loved so deeply.
“Callie…I’m so happy. This child is a blessing, a wonderful new little child. And I would love to raise this child with you.”
Callie felt a glimmer of hope as she heard those words, but her hope was soon shattered.
“But Jack and Jennifer need me. I love them Callie and I can’t live knowing that I abandoned them twice when I never should have left them in the first place. I love you Callie. I will always love you, but I can’t stay. I’m so so deeply sorry. And this child…our child…”
“NO!” Callie cut off the woman’s words and watched the blonde recoil like she had been hit. Good!
“This is not our child anymore. This is MY child.”
Bitterness laced Callie’s voice as her lover’s choice cut her deeper than anything ever had. Here she was carrying their child and her lover was leaving for another woman…another child…another life. Tears cut ragged streams down her face as she shook her head in disbelief. Just like that, her life was being broken in two. George left cheated on her, and now this…now she was being left for an ex. Callie understood that Jack needed her lover, but why did she have to leave for good? Why was this happening to her?
“I’m so sorry Callie…I really am.”
Callie shook her head and sobbed in a stunned silence as she watched her ex gather her belongings and take once last look at her before walking out of their apartment and out of her life. She couldn’t believe that this has just happened. She would wake up and it would all just be a dream right?
She shook her head hard and angrily cried until her body hurt from the strain, then collapsed on her bed, alone and scared. She was going to be a mother…alone…she didn’t know if she could do this alone. It was all too much and she wanted to just sleep it off and wake up in a better life. As she fell asleep slowly, she rested a hand on her stomach, the reality and weight of the situation settling in finally. In a matter of minutes, Baby Torres-Hahn had just become Baby Torres. She was scared, terrified of the future. But she knew one thing was true…Baby Torres was worth fighting for.